It's Going to be OK

A panel of grief experts addressed a Hospice grief counseling audience today and Cathy and I were wowed by their insight. The panel of four included a 15 and 17 year old brother and sister who lost their father on April 17, 2005. The other two were Patrick and his friend Amanda. They spoke from the perspective of a sibling who lost a brother and a friend who lost a friend. I may not have asked God to prove that Patrick was going to survive, but his well being is a daily prayer. God gave us a little peek at an answer to our prayers. We didn't know the other family before today, but I'm sure their Mom has been reassured. Amanda's parents can rest well knowing their daughter is growing from her walk with us.

With a dry wit, PT presented his take on grief recovery with honesty and humor. A dark subject like the death of a brother and traumatized parents doesn't appear to have much humor but when some situations from the past two years are related by a 16 year old remembering events from the eyes of a 14 year old, the view is a little less glum. Patrick told how he started on his path to Hospice group counseling by going to see the Hospice Counselor at school "because he was in detention and it seemed to be better than sitting alone in a small room".

These are four articulate young men and women. They gave the audience exceptional value for their time because they spoke from their hearts and said what matters. We heard them say, "Don't tell us the situation is terrible, or sad, We KNOW that. We want to know it will be all right some day." Gosh, that's so simple yet I missed it two years ago. Of course, in shock, I didn't know it would be OK. I certainly didn't feel like I could assure anyone of anything.

The experts also said, "Don't ask me 'how does that make you feel?' I'm SAD! just because I'm not crying doesn't mean I don't hurt. I'm not crying because I don't want to make my parents cry. I'm not crying because I don't know how you will react." Patrick said he wants to talk about his brother and when he gets a hint of an indication that the topic is not comfortable with the other person, he backs off for fear of causing discomfort. This is a tough topic, and I see it with people too. If I get teary eyed, the other person can be assured, they didn't make me cry, it just happened. It happens alot. I'll be OK, in fact I'll be better for having felt my feelings. The tears and runny nose are part of life.

Good things don't come from bad experiences. Smart work and good people helping enable people to grow from bad experiences. Without the work and other people, more death and heartache is assured. I thanked God as I sat in the back of the room today. I said thank you for giving Patrick wisdom and grace when there was a time the future was in doubt.

Patrick is going to be OK. Thank you God.