We cleared a spot for the Christmas tree last week. The spot is unfilled. Cathy decorated a little. Most of the boxes of magic are too hard to open. The hand carved Santa we bought for our first Christmas in this house 16 years ago stands at the fireplace. His string of bells is missing. He appears to be waiting for something.
My brain's sending stray voltage ideas lately. I've caught myself turning toward the telephone to call Aaron. "Oh, I should tell Aar......ohh." Orphaned electrons fire and I think "When will Aaron come ho....?..ohh." I don't have a grasp on reality. Maybe this is where acceptance is crossing paths with denial.
Aaron's been in my dreams almost nightly. We had a swimming race and played on the same football team. Aaron and Patrick were back together being brothers. Just being brothers. Aaron and Cathy left PT and me for someplace. I'm sure they had fun.
Christmas number three without Aaron is actually the fourth in five years. In '03 Aaron was in his first month at MBA. I guess we've had a long time without a family Christmas. I'm not getting used to it.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
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