Dayze and Days

I want to do this grief thing well. Eight months in I know it is a day to day ordeal. Live in the present. Don't get too far ahead. What about when the present is too sad; the past too far and the future too long? Is it possible to step aside for some time and let the days bleed on? No.

Living in the day and experiencing the pain of the past, present, and future is what I understand is meant when told "You have to go through the pain". There is no running away from, burying, ignoring or dulling of the pain. The promise is to be better healed for doing the work now. Sometimes I'm left a bit bewildered by it all.

Cathy and I walked in the warm afternoon today. We sat on a bench in the park and felt the healthy sun. I walked outside into the moonlit night. Clear and crisp. Looking at the moon I thought about words Aaron and I read and recalled more than once. It goes something like this:

Because we never know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number really...How many more times will you see a full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless. from paul bowles, The Sheltering Sky

Does my son feel the warm rays of the sun? Does he see the same full moon? I don't know.

Tom