Patrick at 14

In one month Patrick will turn 15. Seven months ago PT was a little brother. In an instant on May 10, 2005 he became a young man.

What we've seen of Patrick's growth in seven months has been a blessing. In the shadow of Aaron, Patrick was well grounded. I always felt he knew his place and at the same time was confident to express his integrity based opinions to us and to his brother. As a young teenager I'm sure many ideas and beliefs are fractioned; you know something feels right, you just don't know exactly why. Patrick didn't struggle, he did his best to make sense of what he believed.

Outside of Aaron's shadow, Patrick picked up the baton of the oldest son and is growing beautifully. Physically, Patrick went from being a squirt at about 5'-3" in May to a shade under 5'-11" in November. If we include the mop of hair he may be a solid 6 feet. Emotionally Patrick has the heart of his Mom. Closing in on 15, Patrick is as considerate and loving as he was at 5 years old. Like Aaron, PT loves being with his Mom. Unlike Aaron, Patrick is more selective about his attire and that's the way he has ALWAYS been.

I have many everlasting impressions of my young son. Three involve the times I delivered heart breaking news. The first was the morning of November 2, 1997. Patrick was six. All night Cathy waited for me to return from Iowa so we could be together to tell the boys that their big boy cousin Kristopher had died. We woke the boys at 7:00 am. After hearing the news, Aaron went to take a shower and cry by himself. Patrick sat on the bed with Cathy. His bare feet hung down a good foot or more from the floor. PT's head was down and he was sobbing "I'll never get to play basketball with Kristopher again." Cathy had her arm around him. Giant tears were falling from his eyes to his cheeks and on. I was kneeling in front of Patrick when I saw this tear fall straight from his eye and splash on his right foot. Those are tears of grief. They actually splash like rain drops. Like rain they have a way of cleansing.

On May 10th this year I walked into the middle school. Patrick was pulled out of school and waiting for me in the school office. I walked in and Patrick looked at me, "What'd I do?" he asked with a chuckle.

Later that evening after a person in the coroner's office had jumped to a erroneous conclusion and had me thinking Aaron's death was not accidental, I sat down to explain to Patrick what I was coming to believe. "What are you trying to say, Dad? That's bull----. Aaron didn't do this on purpose. I know Aaron." Patrick jolted me and cleared my mind. Integrity, honesty, and loyalty to the truth and his brother kept Patrick open to search for the truth of his brother's death. At that moment we started to look closer at the facts and eventually discovered the truth. Sure, it was too late to stop rumors, but in time for our family to have peace.

Last night we had a loving family discussion about the Christmas season. We all agree this is the most Christmas of Christmas for us. The spirit of peace and caring has never been more full in the three of us. The calm and honesty Patrick has when sharing his feelings, gives Cathy and me peace. It's not within my vocabulary to completely express our desire and fears for Patrick's health and well being. To hear him share, grieve, laugh, reflect on his life, his brother, his family, his friends reveals God's compassion. Surely I know that if things were different with PT it would not be God's fault. But, we see that Patrick is open to God's will, whether he says it or not, and therein is God.

At Aaron's funeral, when people thought they would need to support Patrick, he was the one who comforted them. People who thought they could handle what they were about to experience told me how they broke down. It was Patrick who reached out his hand and held people close until they could compose. Father Mike shared with us what he saw in the church that night: God was in Patrick. Patrick was God.

When we pray for God to give us things (the way we ask Santa for a new basketball or money for a vacation) we are often dissapointed. When we ask God for strength to show mercy and compassion, our prayers are answered. Patrick was open to God's will from the start of this journey in May. He never closes his heart.

Patrick is our true blessing this Christmas season. We thank God for his spirit and honesty. We lost a son this year to heaven. We gained a son with heaven's blessings in his soul. That gift does not come with a ribbon, but it is well wrapped.

Peace and Merry Christmas

Tom