Books Choose You--Music Speaks

John Edwards, the Medium, not the politician, was a favorite of Aaron's. More than a few times Cathy would find Aaron sitting in the dark watching a show with John Edwards telling people what their loved ones on the other side were communicating. In the last weeks of his life, Aaron was tuned in to Edwards. He believed in Mediums. Cathy had an agreement with Aaron: who ever died first promises to send a message to the other. We have reminded Cathy that Aaron didn't promise to appear and draw a picture for her. I think she's being stubborn accepting nothing less than a full blown appearance, where she can then snatch him back.

Regardless of my opinion of Mediums, Mr. Edwards said something that I've felt to be true. He said, you don't pick a book, books choose you. I say I felt that because my experience in January and February was exactly that, a feeling. I wanted a new book after Christmas. I needed a new book, something to fill the hollow of the holidays Nothing felt right to me. I tried every book store and the 1/2 price stores. Nothing. Until the day The Power of Now and The New Earth found Cathy and me. My head was ready for what Mr. Tolle had to say. The message of the author evaporated into me. I've re-read both. I was so interested in what Mr. Tolle wrote, almost nothing got in my way of reading. I was sitting on a Doctor's table waiting for the results of an eco cardiogram on March 5th and I pulled The New Earth out of my coat pocket. I was out of surgery for just a few hours when I picked up the book again. The message was as clear as ringing a bell to me. It's not what we do that matters it's what we be, and there is no future to be in. What I think is good or bad is because I make it so. What I call good and bad are just illusions.

These two books are favorites. They fit perfectly with all of the other books that have chosen me on this three plus year journey. Merton, Emerson, Thoreau, the research books on life and death, Chopra, Mathew, Mark, Luke, John, Paul...all of the messages are the same: life is a paradox. Life situations are experiences which give us choices. The choice is always simply, What am I going to do about me? The experience is not for the good of me because God's plan is not for me to have or not have, but for me to improve life for another. My dysfunction is when my ego gets in the way and confuses God's will for me to share with my will for God to share more than my share with me.

I lived through days of too much good credit and sufficient money. Nothing I acquired brought happiness more than fleeting. No place I visited did much more for me than give me something else to resent about life. In my best days, I would never have agreed to live life as if I am capable of choosing what I bring to life. Oh no, life was responsible for making me happy and life had better keep trying, because I'm hard to please and I won't accept life quitting on me.

The mysterious paradox in my life is coming clear to me. I love this observation: and I cling to the thought that in God's hands the dark past is the greatest possession (you) I have--the key to life and happiness for others. With it (you)I can avert death and misery for them. That's paraphrased from the book Alcoholics Annonymous p. 124. How about that, no promise of life and happiness for me. The gift I receive is for somebody else. Imagine that.

Today I committed to writing a book. There is something in these last five years that is meant for somebody. Jackie Bradley, a writer is taking on the project with me. The time is right. The messages are clear. Meeting with the writer in Starbucks today, the messages from the other side came through in the music playing. First the song Allelujah came over the system. "Oh, I love that song. That's my favorite song." A few minutes later, the Beetles' Blackbird played. "That's Aaron's song." At MBA they did an exercise where Aaron and the other students would have to figure out their work from signals the counselors gave them. Aaron would use the line that he often heard--"You know your work. You know what you have to do." Today Aaron said to me "Allelujah!! You got it!! You know the work you have to do."