It's All The Same Year

As the world turns, nothing changes unless I change. The label for the 525,600 ticks of a clock from midnight 12/31 to midnight 12/31 is 2009. I can begin to use a brand new calendar tomorrow. In fact, there are multiple calendars to start using tomorrow; electronic on my desk top, my lap top, my phone, paper on my wall at the apartment, and the one I keep in my coat pocket...there are more, I'm sure. A new day is dawning. A New Year. Whew. Can I walk away from the old one the way I walk away from a road kill varmint?

A few hundred days plus ago didn't we do the same thing? 2008 was looking shiny and new, '07 was haggard...but it was once brand new too. A week ago we were concerned about what Santa had seen---were we naughty or nice? Oh, the resentments in the past. How would Santa judge my self righteousness? My selfishness? I assured him it was all justifiable behavior. I had a right, you know.

The delusion is that tonight I can turn the page. It's all brand new. The pages are crisp and clean. White slates to be filled in with happy times and good deeds. My intentions are just. My actions will surely be noble. There is no page to turn.

The future is as unsettling as is my past uncomfortable. Can I live in the past? Can I live in the future? One foot in 2009, one foot in 2008. One foot in the crisp pages of tomorrow, the other in the smudges of yesterday. .

When I stand where I am--in the moment, I see what Janis Joplin said: "It's all the same f---in' year, maannn." What she was saying, I think, is this: I can't disown my past and I can't expect a different result in the future if nothing but the calendar changes. I have to change. Be the change I want to see in the world. I pray for certain character deficiencies to be lifted. To make that happen, my actions have to be different from my tendencies.

Today is tomorrow. The day will not change. I change by my actions. I have a choice today, because of the grace of God. There was a day when I had no choices.

Anonymous commented: WHATEVER TOM. No objection from me. None whatever.

Home Is A Safe Place

Patrick and I attended a discussion two days before Christmas where we heard a person say, "My home is a safe place." We looked at each other and smiled. Just one month earlier, Patrick tried to tell two adults that he wanted his own home to remain "a safe place". Seems like a reasonable request. It got him labeled disrespectful. I admire his courage and prudence. Protecting one's home does not require respect when none is shown by a guest...regardless of the age difference.

Surrender

Cease to resist.

Life will be life.

Surrender was never something I could follow through. I did not, and maybe still do not know surrender. I do know cease to resist.

Life situations will continue regardless of my serenity. What I can control is my reaction to life. Before action, I will cease to resist.

Patrick and Aaron ceased to resist.

Society

C.S. Lewis: We will never have a Christian society unless most of us become Christian individuals.

Ghandi said: Be the change you wish to see in the world.

A drug free America? Not until most of us become drug free individuals.

Visit Aaron's House in Madison, WI

Circumstances

The word keeps coming up: Circumstance. Victim of circumstance. When describing a situation, the weight of my description dominated by my characterization of other people shows my level of victim mentality. I can quickly see it in other people, the challenge is to see the victim of circumstance in me.

Maybe the best use of my last 48 hours was to get out of my ego where I could observe my mind. Like a potter I let my mind turn the wheel and be the hands to form something from a lump of clay. Art is within my capability. A lump of clay you would think can't be turned into anything less, but a circumstance can be more or less than reality.

Time is overrated and under scrutinized in my opinion, so it is no surprise that given time, I am capable of creating illusion from reality. What a low level of awareness. Time, left alone does nothing except slip into the future. Time seasoned with resentment is bitter. Add forgiveness and compassion to get something worthy. Today I am grateful for the people who saved me from misery once before. They raise me up to a higher ground to see the world from a different point of view.

Once again, I get the opportunity to answer the question, "Now that this has happened, what am I going to do about me?" What I was resisting for the last week was not answering the question, I resisted asking the question.

How I answer the question is not in words. My answer has to be in action.

Thanksgiving at Aaron House

When Aaron House was only a vision people were asked to support the project on faith. Dozens of dozens of people gave thousands of dollars. Explaining the concept was a challenge. Not everyone understands alcohol and other drug addictions. How the Aaron House project would work was an idea with few tangibles. The people who knew how to write a program of support were doing their work. The pieces would come together, but in the fall of '05 through the end of summer of '07 the puzzle was scattered.

Aaron was home when I bought a book explaining the power of a story. Books find you, and this book selected me---the name I don't remember, but the message was heard. Easier for me to tell a story to show a vision than to explain the details. Standing before a crowd, telling the story, I drift on the emotions of people as we cry, and laugh, and cry again. I'm grateful for the experience.

A young person with an addiction in the family generates waves of energy to build tumultuous waves. No one drifts in that sea of chaos. Aaron House, I told listeners, would one day host Moms, Dads, brothers, and sisters with sons and brothers in peace for holiday dinners. People who did not know if their loved one would be living or dead, lost or wandering lost, would find their way to a family dinner in the tranquility of Aaron House. These people, I explained, no nothing of Aaron himself, but they know their own Aaron. They know there must be an answer. They would pray to God for an answer. They would pray for peace and relief for themselves and their son, brother,...

God does answer prayers. The work is done through other people. Some were angels, others mortal. Aaron House opened. It exists. Last Saturday night I was ate and laughed, and cried, and laughed again with the guys, their parents, their friends at Aaron House. Aaron was not seen in the midst of the fun. He was felt. The story is true. The feelings are real. The healing is tangible.

Thank you for your faith and charity. It is mercy God desires, not sacrifice. Your mercy is a blessing.

Peace