Tilt

Con's. I think the name was short for Connie. Pinball machines, pool tables, steamed hot dogs, and a smooth, not so frothy root beer were inside. Guys working things  out between themselves happened out the back door. As a kid, I feared walking in the front door would eventually lead to the dreaded walk out the back door. As much as I liked the dogs and beer, at 12 I knew I didn't like the idea of being punched bloody. Fearing what could be, kept me away from pinball. That's OK. Life lets you play for free. Sometimes you're the flipper, sometimes the bumper, and maybe mostly the silver ball.

The playing field is cluttered with bumpers, pitfalls, flippers, lights, bells, success, failure, and a Tilt walk  of shame when you're caught cheating. The game always ends the same way no matter what you score; the ball is buried in a hole and the lights flash Game Over. High Score? So what. It won't last. The same ball that rings up success after success, is launched repeatedly by flippers, bumpers, and spring loaded catapults. The ball has no direction of it's own...except down with gravity.

Pinball is a metaphor of life. Launched down a tube, the human ball (Orb) enters the world of good and bad with no ability to choose this or that. Rapid fire bumpers ring up success. Quick rejections from flippers sends Orb from here to there. The world calls to Orb, "Over here! Snap. No Over There. Snap. Not here stupid, get out! Snap. Faster! snap. Slow down. Snap." All games end with Orb more or less losing momentum and falling into the abyss. A flailing attempt by the flippers can't catch Orb when he's done for good. Cheating to nudge Orb on a different course with a hip to the machine is caught and the player is called out TILT!! The bells go quiet. No buzzer. No lights. Orb falls helplessly to the pit. All players know how to get a little more out of life by nudging. If you're not caught, you didn't cheat. Points scored in the gray area of fair count. TILT isn't all bad...it shows you tried to push the limit. You're allowed a couple of Tilts before the game shuts down on you for good. Everyone gets the benefit of the doubt for a little while. Every champion finishes with Game Over. When the last ball drops off of the inclined board it hits the bottom of the dark hole with a sterling silver thud. You know it's over. Your score flashes. The lights go off. NEXT PLAYER Up.

Willingness To Forgive

The technique of forgiveness is simple enough, and not very difficult to manage when you understand how. the only thing that is essential is willingness to forgive. Provided you desire to forgive the offender, the greater part of the work is already done.  The Sermon On The Mount. Emmet Fox, 1934

Forgiving people does not mean that you have to like the person or their act. Consider this, Christian faith has the story of Jesus being murdered in the most horrific manner known 2000 years ago. To this day, with all of our experience killing, there is still no more painful, grotesque, merciless, way to murder. The images and statues of the event are modest depictions of the brutality of crucifixion and its torturous slow death. During the ordeal, Jesus said, "Forgive them Father, they know not what they do."  He didn't say, "Hey, these guys are cool. I wanna hang with them."

Forgiveness quiets our mind and frees us from the burden of the thoughts, behaviors, acts of people and events of the past. Forgiveness is to drop the weight, opens the dark curtain to let in the light, and walk away with our hands empty to hold onto things that matter. When I've refused to forgive people, events, or myself, I carry a heavy load in both hands, and on my back. My eyes, if they are up, are focused in a tunnel vision. I can't hold anything that matters in my hands or head.  When I find the willingness to forgive, the burden is set down. Maybe I walk around it a few times, and when I take those first steps away from the pile of resentment, I have a chance to live free again. Our eyes are in the front of our head for a reason. We see the present in living color. The past we have to imagine...and it's sketchy, mostly black and white, and always bigger than life.

Letting go. Now, here's the hard part. Once the forgiveness is stated, keep walking and wish the person well, I have to say "X is free and so am I. I wish X well in life. I am free. I am well."   We know this to be true: past events only hurt when we keep them in the present. I can not hurt yesterday. I can only hurt at this moment. If I hurt because of a yesterday experience, a yesterday person, I'm carrying that experience or person or both from the past to the present. Hey, I wonder if the idea of leaving the dead with the dead is a reference to resentments?

I'm not a fan of displaying a statue or image of murder by crucifixion; not even the watered down peaceful version. But as proof that I am capable of forgiving, I can imagine the actual scene as horrible as I can see it, and hear the man forgive his murders "for they know not what they do". I'm not going to join people who hurt me to play games and banter. They're on their own. I'm moving on. I'm not taking them with me, and I'm not going where they're going. I have willingness and that's a start.