When life experiences happen and moving is the choice chosen, a person can fit only so much in a U Haul truck or trailer. I left things behind two years ago and still carried out more than I needed. Self preservation inspired me to another destination. I never grieved the loss of this relationship. But grief doesn't care if you pay the price now or later; grief knows you will pay. Been paying the man for over three weeks. I pray this debt can be settled soon. Let me go.
I spent a good amount of energy packing things that I had kept and decided to return. I'm stuck with pictures I can't seem to delete, and memories that may be more or less reality. I can't look at either.
This morning I was laughing about all the stuff I packed up to move. It occurred to me that the really important tings were left behind. I left the hill with the spring breeze made for flying kites. I left maple syrup days of spring, the the aroma of the cooking syrup, the laughter of the families who joined us to make Sticky Fingers Old Smokey. I left the shade. I miss the hammock. The compost bin I made had to stay, so did the gate on the garden fence. The old shed I left better than I found it...it;s useful again. The tall grass prairie we planted and groomed will never be gone...the six foot tall thistles may be forever too. I left the last turkey I couldn't catch up to. I hope he's safe. The giant dark summer sky filled with stars is still there.
Last night I had dinner with the young lady I left behind...she's not my daughter but will forever be my girl. She was 12 when we left our reservations about each other and broke the ice with Zanzibar Chocolate ice cream. She's 18, smart, confident, considerate, compassionate, and safe. Pretty sure I left an indelible impression on her. She's the most forgiving young person... I kept every insight she gave me. Treasure every one.
We can't take it with us and that's the way it should be. I left behind amazing days and spectacular nights. I didn't leave the serenity...that was taken away. I left behind the anger and sorrow of people who I pray find their peace. I carried the resentment toward them far to long. I'll leave that along the road and count my blessings.
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