In the Presence of Angels

Summer 2005 is forever away and distant. Maybe it was July or early August when I broke. I remember it was a sunny, warm Sunday. Where I was coming from I don't recall but I know the time was near 5:30 PM and I was traveling east on the beltline. East toward home.

Driving to home was an emotionally breaking down time. I usually drove through the sobs. Not wise, but I did. This particular day my emotions overwhelmed my judgment. Anger could no longer be supressed. Violence isn't the answer, I had been told and on this day I responded "It depends on the question." Revenge was my intention.

First I talked to my brother-in-law Dave. He had experience with losing a son. Dave walked this road of anguish before me. His advice was wise. I wasn't. Next I received a call from my AA sponsor. He suggested I take a moment to stop at an AA meeting on my way to collecting atonement. I agreed.

The meeting place is on Northport Drive in Madison. December 23rd, 2004 was the first time I visited this address. It was Aaron's words that sent me on my way that December day. It was Aaron's death that I was mourning that led me back there seven months later. I walked in to a room with more than a half dozen long tables and chairs enough for 80 people. There sat one person. One--and he didn't appear interested.

I sat down a safe distance from the One. He had long reddish hair. At my table I picked up a book and began reading. The One at the table continued doing what he was doing and that was ringing metal circles together to form a sort of metal blanket. The piece he was making looked to be 2 feet by 3 feet. One ring at a time he looped together to make this art object.

After a few minutes, the One asked "What're ya reading?" His accent was Bostonian. He didn't stop or look up from his circles. I was reading from a book called Daily Reflections. The page I read I don't recall. The One asked me what was troubling me. I shared my story of losing my son and my anger and my desire for revenge. This is what the One with the red hair told me in response:

I'm forty years old and never married. I don't have children. I have two dogs and if one of them were to die I would be lost, so I can't imagine your pain. One day I was asked to be a speaker at a meeting. I was to tell my story of being an alcoholic. The day came, I spoke and did a terrible job. My thoughts were jumbled and nothing I said made sense. Afterwards I was so frustrated with myself that I sat and sulked, feeling sorry for myself. Sitting next to me were two men I didn't know. They were talking about resentment. One said to the other, "Resentment is taking poison and expecting the other person to die." What the hell did that mean? I wondered. Whatever they were talking about, I didn't get it...until now. After hearing you talk, Tom, I understand what they were saying. In addition, I now know that the reason I was the guest speaker that night wasn't for me to speak, but instead for me to hear. I was there that night to hear this message to carry to you today "Resentment is taking poison and expecting the other person to die."

When the One with the red hair began telling his story, my sponsor and another fellow arrived. The four of us finished the meeting together. My sponsor has been in the program for nearly 30 years and frequents meetings all over Madison. He later told me he had never met the One with the red hair before or since. The only day he has ever seen this person with the red hair, Bostonian accent, and silver metal cirlces was that Sunday evening in the basement of the building.

Jenna and Patrick have each had dreams where Aaron describes heaven as "Circles". You never know when you are in the presence of angels.

Hearing this story Aaron would have asked, "Is that a true story Dad? Did that really happen?" True story, son.

Remembering Aaron,
Tom