Danny Orvick and Chris DeGroot. Two fellows, a year older than Aaron, who I judged incorrectly. I didn't know Aaron's friends well enough to decide if they were part of the problem or part of the solution. Who to trust, believe, question, or run off was my everyday dilemma. I chose to run everyone off. Given the chance I would have isolated Aaron In fact, I suppose that was the ultimate decision in 2003.
April 2005. Five years ago. I remember too clearly the time of my life. How five years has passed bewilders me. Looking back over the journey there were days where I felt total awareness and now I wonder how I managed to put one foot in front of the other. I was such a mess for so long. But five years ago today I was standing tall and looking to the future. Aaron had come clean on a relapse, faced the school, paid the price, and was living in peace Two friends, I'm sure there were others, had made suggestions he took to heart. Chris was encouraging Aaron and helping him make better choices Danny had the man-to-man chat Aaron needed to have and it made all the difference.
Oblivious to the time expiring, Aaron and I had one last Father and Son talk where Father told Son to "Toe the line or pack your things and go." Not exactly My Way or the Highway. More: You Can Check Out Any Time You'd Like. Given the invitation to pack his things and go, Aaron spent the night at Danny's. At 6:00 AM, Aaron called me. "Danny and I were up all night talking. He helped me understand what I need to do. I can't wait to talk to you. He made alot of sense. Can I come and talk?" We met at the house later that day. Aaron announced that Danny had advised him to follow house rules. Parents have a car, Aaron has a car. Leave parents car alone. Use your own car. Finish school. Get a job. I don't know if Danny was speaking a different language, but it made sense to Aaron. I asked what he was going to do, thinking he was ready to move out I thought he was going to say he was moving in to Danny's. Nope. "I'm really tired. I think I will take a shower and go to bed."
The date was probably April 25 to 27. There was never a cross word spoken by Aaron to me or me to Aaron after that. Two weeks of peace and mutual respect. And time kept slipping into the future. Danny and Chris were doing God's work and they never knew it. I'm grateful and blessed.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
Fading Love
When does little boy learn to spell "Happy Fathers Day. I Love You Dad"? Kindergarten for some, maybe first or second grade? Seventeen or eighteen years ago, or what seems like yesterday.
The key-fob gift is made of plastic and roughly 2 inches by 4 inches with a metal ring attached. Inside the plastic is a white piece of poster paper. One side in blue and black marker the words say Happy Fathers Day. On the reverse in what was once red marker, I Love You Dad. When Aaron gave this chunk of love to me I would have been as grateful as any Dad, and as practical as possible. All of the keys I owned could not balance the heft of this gift and there was no way I could fit keys AND the hunk of plastic into my pocket. I don't remember what I did and I don't recall any feedback from Aaron, but I know the fob never held my keys.
A few months ago Cathy re-gifted me. In a box of odds and ends of sentimental journeys was this unused key-fob. Multicolored and in the hand writing of a child who knew how to say I Love You, the little treasure now fit perfectly into my world. I took the fob right to my car where I found a place to hang it so I could always see Aaron saying "I Love You Dad" and the sun shined a little brighter on me in the driver's seat. To hear him say the words I have to concentrate and will the sound of his lost voice. The tone has faded to nearly silent.
I noticed the letters are a little less sharp. The sun working daily, not time, is dulling the ink. Slowly and visibly the words are fading away. Maybe I will keep it riding with me until the end of the Ten Days of May. With a small addition to the key holder, the fob could make a Christmas ornament.
The key-fob gift is made of plastic and roughly 2 inches by 4 inches with a metal ring attached. Inside the plastic is a white piece of poster paper. One side in blue and black marker the words say Happy Fathers Day. On the reverse in what was once red marker, I Love You Dad. When Aaron gave this chunk of love to me I would have been as grateful as any Dad, and as practical as possible. All of the keys I owned could not balance the heft of this gift and there was no way I could fit keys AND the hunk of plastic into my pocket. I don't remember what I did and I don't recall any feedback from Aaron, but I know the fob never held my keys.
A few months ago Cathy re-gifted me. In a box of odds and ends of sentimental journeys was this unused key-fob. Multicolored and in the hand writing of a child who knew how to say I Love You, the little treasure now fit perfectly into my world. I took the fob right to my car where I found a place to hang it so I could always see Aaron saying "I Love You Dad" and the sun shined a little brighter on me in the driver's seat. To hear him say the words I have to concentrate and will the sound of his lost voice. The tone has faded to nearly silent.
I noticed the letters are a little less sharp. The sun working daily, not time, is dulling the ink. Slowly and visibly the words are fading away. Maybe I will keep it riding with me until the end of the Ten Days of May. With a small addition to the key holder, the fob could make a Christmas ornament.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Blessed Sacrement
Let me hear the things you need me to hear.
Let me speak the things you need me to speak.
Let my mind and heart be open.
It's still in my daily reflections book, folded over just as it was on the morning May 10, 2005; that little note. Still in the same place -- the crease of the book between May 10 and May 11. The daily reflection is "Freedom". In my hands, my life was not freedom that day. At the end of the day I was in a prison of misery. Freedom would come in proportion to my willingness to live that little prayer.
This morning I met with a Men's Group at Blessed Sacrament Church. Sitting in a room resembling a family living room I shared the story of God's mercy as it was bestowed on me. Many years ago I envisioned a life of a Hero for myself. One where I would be invited to enlighten people, for a fee of course, on the ways of financial wealth and success. Here I am today at 7:00 am not talking about wealth and success, but about spiritual blessings and brokenness. Death of a Hero, Birth of a Soul. My compliments to the author.
The God of my youth, the one who was a giant genie waiting for me to say the magic words before pouring material gifts and happiness on me, was gone. A God of mercy and compassion asking only for the same from me is beside me today. Life is simpler. The darkest days are my greatest possession and while I can't give them away or trade them for brighter, I am grateful for the chances to share them.
We never know when we are in the presence of angels.
Approaching the ten days of May.
Let me speak the things you need me to speak.
Let my mind and heart be open.
It's still in my daily reflections book, folded over just as it was on the morning May 10, 2005; that little note. Still in the same place -- the crease of the book between May 10 and May 11. The daily reflection is "Freedom". In my hands, my life was not freedom that day. At the end of the day I was in a prison of misery. Freedom would come in proportion to my willingness to live that little prayer.
This morning I met with a Men's Group at Blessed Sacrament Church. Sitting in a room resembling a family living room I shared the story of God's mercy as it was bestowed on me. Many years ago I envisioned a life of a Hero for myself. One where I would be invited to enlighten people, for a fee of course, on the ways of financial wealth and success. Here I am today at 7:00 am not talking about wealth and success, but about spiritual blessings and brokenness. Death of a Hero, Birth of a Soul. My compliments to the author.
The God of my youth, the one who was a giant genie waiting for me to say the magic words before pouring material gifts and happiness on me, was gone. A God of mercy and compassion asking only for the same from me is beside me today. Life is simpler. The darkest days are my greatest possession and while I can't give them away or trade them for brighter, I am grateful for the chances to share them.
We never know when we are in the presence of angels.
Approaching the ten days of May.
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