When there is no way out, there is always a way through.
Those aren't my words but I attest to the truth. I am a blessed man.
Patrick and Amanda gave me a ten dollar book store gift card for Christmas. I put it somewhere safe. I forgot where that place was. The gift stayed there until it was found by Cathy on Super Bowl Sunday. That gift changed my life.
Super Bowl Sunday was supposed to be spent with the Packers. Things changed. I chose not to participate in a Packer-less game day. Cathy and I went to see a movie. I picked the movie: my favorite actress, Diane Lane in Untraceable. Thirty minutes in and we agreed the film was disturbing. We walked out. We went to the book store.
I had been in and out of all the Borders, Barne's and Noble, Half-Price Books in Madison since Christmas and couldn't find a book cover I could judge appealing. But that Sunday was different. Walking in the door I saw a paper back with no "O" Club sticker, so I picked it up. The Power of Now, A guide to spiritual enlightenment.
God did not give me a great ability to explain in great clarity what it is I read. I'm grateful for that withholding of talent. I can learn by living. I can't live by telling, but I can say that I now know Aaron's true self never died. Only form and thoughts die. Aaron is free. His divine presence is here as it has always been. Living in the past and in the future I resisted the Now. I know the past. The past is comfortable. I imagine the future. Through my perception of the past, I form an image of the future. Time is an illusion. Living in the past and future, resisting the Now is insanity.
Enlightenment is the end of suffering according to Buddha. The way out of suffering is through the fire according to the Burned Thigh Lakota Tribe.
I miss my son Aaron as I knew his outer self. I am experiencing his true self as it always is. Knowing that what is can't be undone, I accept what is not and say yes to what is. Nonresistence to the pain. Surrendered to the grief.
February 16, 2008
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