With courage to accept things I cannot change, I happily told Cathy "Hey, I'm going to spend the night at Aaron's house." I like the way that sounded. ...going to Aaron's house. As if our Aaron was "kickin' it" at his own place and I'm going over for a little father/son time. Cool. If he would remember that I was coming I suspect Aaron would even clean up the place--a little.
We would have pizza delivered because going out for dinner would take too long..."But, Dad if you wanna go out, that's cool. We can do that. It's up to you. Whatever you wanna do. Should we order pizza?"
The Gorham St. house is sure a comfortable place. Wonderfully serene. The colors are perfect. Finishes are terrific. We have a boiler heat system. Late Wisconsin weather changes from 90 degrees two weeks ago to 33 tonight. The boiler isn't fired up yet. I hope the 33 stays outside.
Cathy and I have been talking about being open to feeling Aaron's presence. I've been feeling a connection. What I do is project thoughts to Aaron in the way I would talk to him in the matter of fact way we talk to people we expect to see tomorrow and forever. I see Aaron as being content and present. He's gone but not out of my life. I know he's gone. That's not OK. I feel as if I have moved to a differnt place with Aaron---not life and not death. Not half-way, but somewhere in the vast void where not life and not death exists. I'm here. He's there. We are right where we should be.
Aaron's House exists, not because Aaron died, but because Aaron lived.
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