On Writing Well

College was an option for me because my Mom made sacrifices to pay the tuition for her son who played more than worked, and spent more than saved.

I was a kid who asked lots of questions, most began and ended with "Why?" A professor at Seattle University required us to answer essay questions with paragraphs memorized from Politics Among Nations, by Hans J. Morgenthau. A poor writer and worse memorizer, I asked "Whyyyy?" His calm, direct answer stayed with me for 24 years longer than the answers to the essay questions and his name. Professor (I don't remember) said, "Until you can write better than Hans J Morgenthau, you will write his words so I don't have to read your words." OK, I could accept that. Should I fail to memorize Morgenthau's words completely or fail to put my own thoughts in logical order, the grade would be the same; less than mediocre and slightly better than total failure. I gave some effort (I know this because I still have the book and the paragraphs are highlighted and underlined) and I have a diploma, somewhere, which makes no mention of Hans J. Morgenthau, Professor ?, or my essay answers.

Eternally grateful to my Mom for my college experience, I didn't give the effort that she gave paying my way. But, I did learn somethings so I better share.

Attention deficit was nothing I knew of in 1977-81. Only with my oldest son did I become aware of ADD and ADHD. Cathy put all of herself into helping Aaron with medication, learning, and being cooperative in class. A mild case of one or the other is what he had, and I have mountains of empathy for parents of children with learning disabilities. Reading is required in all courses so without an ability to focus, the student has no chance.

With the right teachers, they know who they are, Aaron thrived in english, history, literature, and writing course work. In some DeForest class rooms, Mount Bachelor Academy-Oregon, and Horizon High School-Madison, Aaron Meyer learned to love good writing (that includes songs).

He read Walden and "Civil Disobedience" by Henry David Thoreau, which I picked up to read this week, just to get a little closer to where my son was in his thinking. The first page of the introduction hooked me on why Aaron loved Thoreau's thinking, "Convinced that the less labor a man did, the better for him and the community,...". The next 32 pages are filled with sentences as beautiful and meaningful as any painting. Here are some I highlighted, and may be able to remember, but if not they're in the book.

Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?

One generation abandons the enterprises of another like stranded vessels.

We are made to exaggerate the importance of what work we do; and yet how much is not done by us!

...I have been anxious to improve the nick of time, and notch it on my stick too; to stand on the meeting of two eternities, the past and future, which is precisely the present moment; to toe that line.

It is true, I never assisted the sun materially in his rising, but, doubt not, it was of the last importance only to be present at it.

I say, beware of all enterprises that require new clothes, and not rather a new wearer of clothes.

The farmer is endeavoring to solve the problem of a livelihood by a formula more complicated than the problem itself. To get shoestrings he speculates in herds of cattle.

And what I will think about when I turn out the light tonight:

The owner of the axe, as he released his hold on it, said that it was the apple of his eye: but I returned it sharper than I received it.

Aaron, you wrote a note on my laptop last September and it saw it today: "...Remember Pops, Life's a garden, Dig It! Your son, AJ AKA Air Bear. " Henry David Thoreau would agree, that is well written.

Air Bear, from all of us who handled you, as Thoreau an Axe, we know you are one of the apples of God's eye. If we returned you sharper than we received you, it is only by the Grace of God and not by our own exagerated work.

Peace
Honored to be your Pops

Gift of Sight

Cathy and her sister Shelly are on the front porch this sunny evening sorting through the cards and letters. Patrick and I were up until 3 am today reading some wonderfully written lines. Hallmark has nothing on many of Aaron's friends and family. Words of kindness are hugs to us.

A beautiful letter came in today's mail addressed from Lions Eye Bank of Wisconsin. It reads in part:

To the Family of Aaron Meyer:

...Both corneas were transplanted and will help restore the sight of two individuals. The cornea is the clear front portion of teh eye. It acts as a "window" allowing light to enter into the eye.
...(Aaron's) donation has made life altering changes in two people and have provided them with the opportunity to once again see clearly without pain or suffering...

Our family shared tears of joy today. Aaron's journals from his year at Mount Bachelor Academy and 40 days in the Idaho desert are filled with references to beautiful scenery. God bless the doctors who used their God given talent to restore sight with Aaron's corneas. It was probably Sunday May 8th that I commented on his terrific eye sight. Amazing medicine.

Just think, two people will see the face of a loved one again. Two people will see a sunrise, sunset, stars and rainbows. Wow. This is a blessing for us too.

Peace
Tom

Vibes and Prayers

When you turn out the lights tonight, go to sleep knowing your good vibes and prayers for our family are making a difference. There is peace and serenity in our home. Anguish is not being buried or trapped. Definitely shared. The anguish is not consuming us; love and gratitude are.

I think if you fill the space with grace, love, gratitude, sharing, caring, and good vibes there is no room for those crushing emotions. Oh, we know they have their place and time. All emotions are good. Anguish is pain but unlike slamming your finger in a door, the pain of anguish does some good... sort of cleansing. Did you ever cry so hard that your body shook, your head felt like it could actually crack and your muscles locked? Cathy, Patrick and I have felt that and while I don't look forward to the next go 'round, I have to say it is a gift from God.

Do you know the saying which goes something like: "I Hit myself in the head with a hammer because it feels so good when I stop"? Maybe that is a reference to anguish. I accept the experience of anguish because it feels so good when it stops.

Tonight we are grateful for Aaron and Patrick's friends who have shared their love with our sons and with us. Our friend Liz returned from a trip today and our friends Brad and Jenn (not that brad and jenn) came over for their first visit. We consider them fresh legs.

Peace and Good Will

Tom

A Text Message From a Son Who Knew to Laugh

Aaron Meyer became interested in Bob Marley in about 1999. His studies of Bob Marley grew beyond the icon of pot smoking culture. Aaron shared his interest and understanding with his little brother Patrick. They both have a healthy understanding of Marley and his music. (I say understanding, not proclaiming any sort of expertise, just healthy understanding.)

Ten or so days ago we were exchanging text message happy barbs. Aaron was in the middle of something and I was working or something. In concluding, I wrote "Peace", he replied with "Peace in the Middle East". I wrote something which I don't recall and his reply reads "Ha Ha Quote bob Marley- "dem drugs gonna get dem kids." on his death bed.

Aj

We are grateful that "dem drugs" didn't take our boy and he was growing in his work to move beyond the grip. Yesteday, Cathy, one of my sisters, and some friends participated in an Indian sweat ceremony with the most caring and giving family. Sun Dancers, who helped us release Aaron. At Mount Bachelor Academy in Oregon, Aaron learned of the sweat lodge ceremony. He and I participated in one in Westport on January 23 of this year, the day after he arrived home. The sweat was a real part of Aaron. He was a man of nature who respects the way of the native people. Aaron gave himself the name of BlackBird, as it was most what he wanted to be...free. Not powerful or dominating like and eagle. Just free.

Aaron is free and we are filled with abundance. Sometimes that abundance is sorrow, but we have room for happiness and gratitude.

If somebody would like to make a web page for a place to share photos and thoughts, please do. We have many photos.

Peace
Tom, Cathy, Patrick...and a noticeably sad 13 year old dog named Molly

Words Patrick's Friend Wrote...and I Like

Cathy and I did not plan it this way, but our son's initials (Aaron, first born, and Patrick) are AM and PM. Morning and Night. They're that different in some ways and then as a day is a day is a day, they are the same. We had many nick names for our boys and certainly A.M. and P.M. were included.

Aaron, the AM, was a night owl, who left to his own could easily sleep through the morning. Patrick, PM, rarely hits the snooze on his alarm clock. A couple of beeps and he's up and in the shower. Awake the boys go about making life good. Not honor roll students in class, but honorable students of life, Patrick and Aaron have good friends.

Today I'll share words I wish I wrote:

From A.M. to P.M.
from night to day
everything will be
Okay--
Cedrick Smith (grade 8, DeForest Middle School)

Aaron is (was....that's hard to write) a fan of Bob Marley who said "...every little thing is gonna be allright..."

Thank you Cedrick, with friends, P.M. will be okay.

Peace
Tom

Attitude Toward the Lord, learned by a Son

Aaron is a real man. Not more or less. He is real and he is himself. There was a time he tried to be what people expected or what he thought would be acceptable. Aaron learned to be real by learning about himself. This is a reading he would identify with.

Proverbs chapter 3

My son, forget not my teaching, keep in mind my commands; For many days and years of life and peace, will they bring you.

Let not kindness and fidelity leave you; bind them around your neck;
Then will you win favor and good esteem before God and man.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, on your own intelligence rely not; In all your ways be mindful of him, and he will make straight your paths.

Be not wise in your own eyes, honor the Lord and turn away from evil;
This will mean health ofr your flesh and vigor for your bones.
Honor the Lor with your wealth, with first fruits of your produce;

Then will your barns be filled with grain, with new wine your vats will overflow.

The discipline of the Lord, my son, disdain not; spurn not his reproof;

For whom the Lord loves he reproves and chastises the son he favors.


Happy the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding!

Amen

My son Aaron has seen the face of God, and for that I am grateful.

Peace
Aaron's Dad

Laws of Nature v. Guardian Angels and other myths

A simple physics rule reads: all things move from more to less; water runs down hill, warm air displaces cold air, a steal ball release at 100 feet will drop to zero feet. A car traveling at 55 or 100 miles per hour will come to an abrupt stop when it meets direct contact with a concret wall. I think that is a law of physics in some way. The human body does not do well when subjected to trauma. Sometimes the occupant of the vehicle and body ceases to live when a law of nature or physics is put to the test.

Guardian Angels have no super powers. Plucking a person out of harms way is not within their ability. Laws of Nature prevail. Guardian Angels lose.

God is a merciful God who created the universe, our planet with gravity, and human life. The human body, with guardian angels, is no match for gravity. When you challenge physics and facts with wishes and fantasy, your existence is in peril.

Back to God. God does give us more than we can burden. If he gave us only all that we can burden, I suggest living the life of a very weak and disorderly person.

God does take the best people because they are so good. If that were the case, avoid being too good. Just be a little less than average.

If God needed my son in heaven more than I needed him on earth, maybe I should have been less responsible and more needy.

If God gives what you can burden, takes the best when they are young, calls those who he needs in heaven right now, and places Guardian Angels who fail to do their job, then God is the director of the most twisted, left wing, social system of unjustice ever created. There would need to be a change at the top as this gig is flawed.

Gratefully, those feel good concepts don't cut it, but science and laws of nature do explain what God expects. First, God asks for mercy, not sacrifice. Second, God's world is orderly and predictable based on the sciences, those secrets are being uncovered every day... forever.

The guardian angels are friendly reminders in our head to make choices that would keep us out of harms way. They must work for us and not God, as it appears we are able to give them their leave at our discretion...or, they're lazy little runts who can't do a full days work.

Lets set another false statement straight: Speed Kills. Wrong. The sudden abrupt stop does the fatal damage. Speed is just the catalyst.

Tonight is sleep. Tomorrow is spiritual growth and work on gratitude and forgiveness and patience. I need some patience with people.... right now.

Peace and love to all who read and shared.

Tom

A Son Goes to Heaven

Aaron John Meyer. 18 years and 4 days. Went to heaven today. Well before his time. Well before we were ready to let him go. In his last weeks, Aaron was looking for a job to earn enough money to go back to Oregon for school in the fall. It appears Aaron printed a resume, maybe took it to apply for a job we don't know yet. Sometime around noon, he crashed.

His resume says it best:

Hard and dedicated worker
I have a great work ethic. I have developed social skills that allow me to work with a variety of people.
I'm looking for a job where I can give back to others. I need to give something to a business and provide it with several new opportunities.

Somebody missed out on a fine young man. Thank you God for the gifts we have.

I love you Aaron.

Peace
Dad

A Parent of an Adult: A Son Turns 18

Saint Mary's Hospital May 6, 1987. A healthy son was born to Cathy and Tom Meyer of Madison. Long fingers and a deep, strong cry. Doctors, nurses, Mom and Dad discussing fantasy of what he will become. I remember clearly. A son; what a gift. Eighteen years; what a ride. Eighteen years in a flash.

From Paul Bowles, The Shining Sky, I kept these "Words I Wish I Wrote" (A book by an author who's name escapes me this moment) ...because we don't know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, some afternoon that's so deeply a part of your being that you can't even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four of five times more. Perhaps not even that. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless."

Should I have done some things differently? Sure, who could say no? Acceptance of reality and
an attitude of abundance enables a person to look back on a son or daughter's childhood gone by and smile. No sadness. No second guessing. No resentment or self-pity. For me, I am grateful to be able to be a father for my son when he needs me most. My son does not need me to be a father yesterday, last year, or last decade. He needs me most today.

At sixteen he dreamed of being 18. Now his dream is reality. After two days of being 18, my son explained his feeling about this new age with one word, "Responsibility". He didn't say FREEDOM!! He'll do well. His assessment of his feeling indicates he knows living in our basement requires responsibility over freedom. I love that guy.

Reality is good, and better than fantasy.

Peace
Tom