Violent Evil and Our Part

A guy Cathy and I know from grade school and high school, Ed Smith, lost his 20 year old son Aaron last Sunday. The Smiths live in Crandon, WI. Vengence unleashed evil without mercy.

Media makes hay in the darkness by disecting the motives of violent people. "Why? What was he thinking? Who's to blame? What went wrong?" The questions presume finding the answer does not include use of a mirror. Experts have volumes of profiles compiled to classify, qualify, and quantify the mind of killers. Answers must rest in the brain matter, or maybe we look too hard at the actor to avoid looking at ourselves.

When my Aaron was at his peak frustration with me he could break my heart with, "I hate you. I never want to be like you. No one likes you." Those were arrows through my heart. Only recently have I come to understand what Aaron meant. A sixteen year old in utter confusion has few skills to express himself in a manner understandable to the average parent. Being an adult with no humility, I was even less likely to understand. What Aaron meant was, "You have me so confused. You say one thing and do another. You expect me to live to standards you set and you can't attain. You have double standards. You stand for nothing that I value." The hate was with the confusion. Because he was a good young man, Aaron did not want to be like me and that was exactly what I would have wanted had I been able to look at myself at the time. His choices to differntiate himself from my world were wrong, but his reasons were sound. I wonder how much of the violent evil we see in youth has its roots in frustration with conflicting messages we older generations project.

I started to look at myself just in time to make a difference in Aaorn's life and well in time for Patrick. In my little part of the world, I learned that I may not be to blame for everything that goes wrong, but I can be part of the solution by changing myself. In Crandon and in the US, the questions of the day pertain to getting on with some "normalcy". What's normal is what has to be analyzed. When violence rules the day, blame is not the answer. Self assessment may be the better exercise.

What is my part in the problem? I like this question best: Now that this has happened, what am I going to do about me?