Eight hundred and one

Three years ago eight hundred and one people lost their lives on Wisconsin road ways. There must be over a million people who like me see the and one as their loved one.

An even seven hundred fatal crashes killed 801 sons, daughters, fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, grandparents, friends, relatives, god children. The and one looks oddly out of place. As if it's an after thought. One for good measure. One for the road.

Maybe it's a typo? A fat finger struck the one instead of the zero. Tomorrow we may see a correction in the paper. "Correction. January 7, 2008 issue of the WI State Journal incorrectly reported in a story on traffic fatalities that 801 people died in 700 fatal crashes on Wisconsin roads in 2005. The correct numbers are 800 deaths in 699 crashes. We apologize for the error. You may go on living your life as if nothing happened. Sorry folks."

Ah, it's not going to happen that way. It is what it is. I offer no resistence to what is.

Everything Happens...But Not For a Reason

An idea that there is a great plan in works and we are pawns in the play of God is summed up in the well intentioned cliche: Everything happens for a reason. That is disturbing to me. Who is this God of reason who supposedly then has a reason for blue m&m's and a reason for crushing little kids to death? The big plan could certainly be improved upon by eliminating murder and mayhem.

I'm not buying it. Free will is acceptable to me. I can accept that God created a world where people are free to make choices and suffer the consequences. In the same world people are free to make choices which doom other people. That seems fair and humane to me. Throw in Guardian Angels and God answering prayers, picking who lives and who dies-- by any number of horrific attrocities -- and things get sketchy. What God says no to the prayers of starving children and yes to pleas of gluttons?

But it's part of a plan which we are not meant to know-- we're told. Maybe not. But maybe we knowing too difficult. Maybe the answer is simply that God created the world, and Man is free to live and learn. Our lives are our own. You may live, you may die. The more we have, the more ways we have to live and die.

Everything does happen. Things happen because of an action--not for a God reason. I don't think God causes the trigger to be pulled, or the intoxicated driver to run over a family, or a car to go off of the road at the worst possible spot. All those things can happen, and they have. God was not part of the reason--in my opinion. God is there to give Grace. Not to cause havoc or despair.

Stand By Me

The movie was made in 1986. Stand By Me. A story about being 12 year old boys and being friends in the 1960's. Aaron and I watched it together when he was younger than 12 wishing he was 12 and I was much older wishing the same.

Being a Dad in the 90's was different than being a Dad in the 60's, at least from my perspective. My Dad friends and I,looking back over the generation agreed dads of the 60's didn't get down on the floor or grass and play with the children like we did. A three foot high barrier existed in our child hood. Dads could bend over to look down at you or crouch to look close to you, but that was the limit. As if they might never get up again, dads of the 60's kept the soles of their shoes firmly planted on the ground when interacting with us. Picnic tables were invented for dads lest they have to stand and eat while Mom's and kids ate on the blanket on the ground.

My friend Tim described it perfectly when Aaron was four and his daughter Claire was five, "Liz scolds me like I'm Claire's brother." I think once our knees touched the ground we became "My Dad-Friend" to our kids. That was OK by me. Playing Peter Pan, Swords, Johnny, Pirates, Green Bay Packers, World Heavyweight Boxing Champions, was fine by me--not for the days without end way that Aaron approached make believe, but long enough to get dirty. I could still play.

The movie Stand By Me ends with Richard Dreyfus keying a story. He ends it by writing, "It's been over ten years since I last saw him. I miss my friend."
Today is three years since I saw Aaron last. In fact, I wrote about him at the time I was hearing his voice in the other room for the final time. You can read that memory in the archives May 8, 2005. Three years. I miss my son-friend. I'm grateful to have my surviving son-friend.

I said his name over and over today. All the different names I called Aaron. Air-Bear. AJ. Air-foil. A-GEE. AGE. A-Ron. Aaron John. Aaron Johnny. I miss calling out his name. I miss our conversations. I remember watching movies with him. I remember. Stand by me Air-Bear. Ben E. King Sang Stand by Me

Love you.
Dad

Happy Birthday Air Bear

Mom is baking your coconut cream pie right now. Three years ago she baked two for you. You ate half of one before leaving to give your friend a ride that terrible day May 10, 2005. May is bitter sweet. Coconut cream pie was my favorite. It tastes better without tears.

Miss you. Love you.
Dad