Virtues

I knew too little about the virtues. Of my children, I would comment on whether they displayed an understanding of right from wrong. My basis was built on what I understood of right and wrong. The foundation could have been stronger.

Andre' Comte-Sponville, a professor at the Sorbonne, wrote in 1996, A Small Treatise On The Great Virtues. I wish I would have read this book nine years ago. I'm grateful to be reading it today. To assist me with words I wish I knew, I carry Aaron's Franklin, battery operated dictionary. In a few key presses, I have the definition of words like veracity (truthfullness), dogmatic(unwarranted stubornness of opinion), sagacity (shrewd),virtue (excellence) and pusillanimity (cowardice).

To quote from the author "For the last 2,500 years, if not more, the greatest minds have thought about the virtues..." Because I have the freedom to choose and I'm in a deeply contemplative state, I choose to improve my knowledge of relevant concepts. In this process I have seen some of what was not visible to me during Aaron's life. Here's an example:

Comte-Sponville begins his book with an exposition of Politeness as the first virtue. How often have I been fooled by believing polite people are good people? Maybe every day. Is there a difference between seeming to be polite (Eddie Haskel) and actually being so (Wally Cleaver)? What's more, politeness taken to an extreme the author shows, is disturbing in its dishonest, insincerity.

Politeness is almost nothing in improper usage and I thought it was always everything. Aaron was not always polite. Neither am I, but it frustrated me when he was sincere about not wanting to be polite when he preferred to be honest. I likely felt a child's failure to show politeness was a negative reflection on me as a parent. Sincerity is good. Concern about what people think about me due to actions of another human being is a waste of energy.

Good manners, Comte-Sponville writes, preced and prepare the way for good deeds, thus politeness is the first of the virtues in that it is a building block.

Courage, like politeness, is shared by men of good and evil. The author uses Nazis repeatedly to show the difference between moral and immoral excellence. For example, an victim of atrocities may face harsh conditions and torture with courage as a virture and the SS soldier may excell at inflicting pain and suffering on the victims with immoral courage.

I like this sentence from the book "Where courage is always respected..., it is only really morally estimable when at least partially in the service of others and more or less free of immediate self-interest."

I would have taken Aaron to task had I known he was looking after a convicted drug dealer. In the last weeks of his life, Aaron was asked by more than one person "Why are you giving this guy any time?" Aaron's answers had to do with being there for a friend who was trying to do right. Being associated with a convicted dealer carried dangers and at least disparges on ones own character. Aaron was well aware, and yet he was willing to be the one who provided the ride to a mandadory drug test 40 minutes away and to an interview for an elusive job.

It was my wish for my son to be courageous. When I learned he was associating with this young man, I thought he was being unwise and reckless. I didn't understand courage as a virtue. I was dogmatic. Aaron's actions were in the service of others, free of immediate self-interest; courage deserving of respect from a father.

To make my son out to be more in death than he was in life is unnecessary and dishonarable to his memory. Learning more about life helps me to understand Aaron. I pray that I use what I have learned to be a better father to Patrick. I owe that to my sons.

Peace and Veracity to You,

Tom