Football Season Again

Wednesday evening Cathy and drove into DeForest to pick up a donation for the Aaron House. The route took us past the high school football practice. Four years since football mattered to me, my heart ached seeing the players. Until September '04, football was a big deal to Aaron and me. We spent alot of time together on those fields and around football.

The Packers are playing a pre-season game right now. To say Packer football was a big deal in Aaron and Patrick's childhood is an understatement. They grew up in the glory days. They saw their Dad go a little overboard more than once.

Football has not been the same to me since '03. That fall we started to lose Aaron to an addiction. Aaron lost his desire that year as is the case when an addiction consumes a life. After several months of recovery, Aaron regained a desire to play and held it just long enough to let go for good in a healthy way a year later.

Never again will football be anything significant to me. Everything about the game has the same affect: An empty, harsh, cold, hard, dull ache gets me right in the center of my chest. I feel it in my chest, my back, my left arm, and the back of my head. The games go on. Players play, fans cheer and it's all so unreal to be happening without my son.

I have more in my life than a game but that doesn't change the pain triggered by what once was.