AJ and PT 12/94 My best recall of Christmas past seems to be of little snow outside and just the right amount of lights with fun decorations inside the house.
Cathy always made sure to decorate the house with good taste... never Griswolding the light thing. I should clarify that I have never, ever strung a single exterior light. Our house never was without lights, but none were hung by me. Cathy is the decorator and she LOVED getting the house ready for holidays.
Inside, you might be appalled, we once (OK twice) went the entire Christmas season without a tree. No I'm not a Scrooge about Christmas; we travel to visit family every Christmas and for one reason or another (death of Kristopher and Aaron gone to MBA) the days of December went by too fast and we passed on the tree. I hope that was OK...our boys almost always found their Christmas presents on Christmas day under the trees of relatives.
Decorating the house and tree(s) (a few times we had more than one tree) was Cathy's special time. Looking at Christmas photographs and videos of the boys and us from years ago was fun. I'm not sure that will be the case this month. Someday again. But not now. Our hearts ache to see Aaron's smiling or frowning face and Patrick's shining eyes; he was just happy to be there.
Looking outside tonight, I see the same blue lights on the neighbor's pine tree. They shinesa beautiful color in their woods and the tree has always given all of us a sense of Christmas peace. Each of us look forward to those lights going on after Thanksgiving. Patrick and Aaron could see the tree from the room they shared. The blueish lights can be seen from our living room and from our bedroom too. I've layed awake many nights over the years wondering and worrying about silly things, looking into that blue shimmer. Across the back yard the Bradley's white lights on their raindeer glow and cast long shadows from the bare trees. Those shadows and light filled Aaron's view from his room. He felt very comfortable in his basement "suite" at Christmas time. When Aaron was young he surely appreciated the extra light for his snowy night Johnny adventures. (Someday I will write about the adventures of Johnny and his sidekick Tommy.)
Tonight the fresh snow falling on the five inches of powdery white snow from last weekend is soft. The dark sky with cold air is solid metal, and the ground is so light and pure. Fascinating, I think that's how we are feeling. The pain of missing Aaron is steely. The comfort of God's mercy is light and pure. Simultaneous opposing feelings.
It looks like Christmas. It feels nothing like any past Christmas. Definitely not a material Christmas. But, a blessed Christmas.
Peace and Goodwill,
Tom
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