Thanksgiving Gift

We can't always have the facts and proof before making decisions and taking action. Sometimes we have to do the best we can with what we have and what we have may be no more than logic and intuition. Once the decision is made, we live with the results. This is the end of year six of living with the results of a decision made in a time of chaos. Life has been lost, changed, and reprieved due to that decision. Thanksgiving is the landmark date. The December 7th of a personal day that will live in infamy. I can't do Thanksgiving without reliving the darkest days.

Wednesday, the day before yesterday, a friend of Aaron's sent a message to me confirming what I thought was true but could not prove in 2003.  The young man wrote what my heart knows to be fact but sometimes my mind wonders if my memory is clouded by my wishes. "He left for oregon a good person, but came back a better person, you r icould tell he was looking forward to a great future.... He was the peace keeper. "

I'm thankful for little peaks behind the curtain of time to see images from the memory vapors of people who know what I want to be true.

One life to live

It was only a peak through the curtain to the evil place and they shuttered. Standing in front of an audience of 100 parents of 16-18 year olds I remembered being in their place. Son somewhere out of sight, a packed room of equally eager parents, a host of academy staff, and a speaker. My body was there but my mind had left the conference when I was the parent. 'Let's wrap this up and let me see my son...' I knew it all and didn't want to hear what I didn't need to know.

For forty five minutes Saturday and Sunday, I drifted back and forth. Ocassionally animated. At times somber. Often with my voice cracking. The parents were always intent. They followed along as if they were insiders to the story. They laughed and nodded. Rolled their eyes in understanding. Dads buried their face in their hands. Moms patted their husbands on their shoulders. Dads touched their wives hands. A woman turned to her husband and made a guess at how the story would end.  I saw faces and necks turn red. And then the tears poured. As if their phone had rung and their coroner was on the other end, people who live in fear of the awful end felt a touch of the indifference of death.

Tonight I heated a mixture of chicken, veggies, cuscus and ketchup. The aroma of ketchup mixing with the gas flame of the burner took me back to my childhood. Only my grandma and maybe Grandpa Jake's hunting cabin had a gas stove. I love the memory of gas stove meals.

How could all this be lived in one life?

Wisconsin Challenge Academy

Wisconsin Challenge Academy Parent Weekend

"Does anyone have any questions?" The leader of the parent group looked out over the 200 Mom's and Dad's. I have a question--"Because my son has an issue with smoking weed, does that mean I can't have a beer around him?"  God I was a ding dong. I asked the question that was on the mind of dozens of participants and I thought I had more courage than the rest because I asked the tough question. Courage or lack of brains. I didn't need to do any work. Of course not--my son was in no way affected by my conduct....right.

Spring ahead from 2004 to November 2009. This Saturday and Sunday I will be a speaker at the Wisconsin Challenge Academy Parent weekend. I am grateful that life has given me another opportunity to be part of the solution instead of continuing to be part of the problem. Telling the parents what it was like, what happened and what it's like today. The title of my presentation is taken from Aaron's words to me--"You Gotta Do Something About You. Now that this has happened, what are you going to do about you?"

Aaron and Patrick will be there with me.

Wisconsin Challenge Academy