Book Marks

My book shelf is filled with books I've tried to absorb. If a yellow highlighter could be the syringe to draw the thoughts and wisdom great writers have inked into pages, mine would be filled with liquid gold. Instead, the tracks left by the dispenser run over words I want and thoughts I can't remember. But there they are. Opening a book and reading the highlights, I recognize the brilliance and remember why it was meaningful to me.

Tonight I took this book off of my shelf--Transcending Loss, Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and How to Make it Meaningful. Ashley Davis Prend, A.C.S.W. Red lines, circles, black ink, yellow highlights, notations, reflections, memories all in my hand writing. Nothing recent though. My book marks were from the fall of 1999. I recognized the grief from a different time, a time when I was struggling with the loss of my sister and brother-in-law's son Kristopher. Aaron and Patrick were young boys. The seeds for my growth in understanding grief were planted from this book. Here are some passages and some of my notations. The authors words are in intalics. My notations are not:

The mystery is not that we die, but that we live at all.

What are you going to do about that fact (that your life has changed)? Will the change be for better or for worse?

People are hungry to remember and to dialogue and our country needs to offer outlets for this communication. Angel Inn

Eventually you rebuild your life from the ground up.

You have been forced to embark on this journey and there is no turning back.

A miracle of God is that during the toughest grief we are able to walk where we used to run, to sit when we want to fall, and live when we wish to die.

Take a break FROM PAIN

Whatever feels right to you--whether it's to cry hysterically, or to be alone and stare at the wall, or to be surrounded by friends-- then do it.

...stoicism is the antithesis of true healing.

When a loved one dies,... a part of us dies too and life will never, ever be the same again.

And the fact that humans can be broken and become stronger at the broken places is also one of the most profound and touching of all miracles. GOD

When you stand in the midst of turmoil, stand by God.

To die young is of no concern to me. To wait to be old to live is to great a risk & not for me. 11/20/99.

In the front of the book is a message from my sister Carol. She gave the book to me on September 18, 1999. I see by a notation I made that I re-read the book in February 2006. The note tells me the yellow highlights are from the post Aaron's death reading.

I don't remember reading this book in February, but I do remember the book planted the seeds to my grief beliefs those years ago. Today the book is nourishing the growth.

Tom