Anyone who has lost a person they love, might want to read Unattended Sorrow, by Stephen Levine. Sorrow is a dangerous experience to venture into. Unfortunately, we don't get a choice to take the first step.
Cathy and I were directed to this brilliant book by a grief counselor. So much of what we think is right about mourning conflicts with attitudes we had from our earlier grief experiences and sometimes its in contrast with opinions of well intentioned others. Unattended Sorrow assures us that giving time and honor to the sorrow is healthy and right. That assurance is a comforting, warm blanket in a time when it seems this heavy chill won't leave our bodies.
Levine puts words to the page the way an artist deliberately strokes different colors to a canvas to turn an idea into a picture. Here are a few brushes from his pen:
We even find the heart to gradually meet the mercilessness of others with mercy.
We are members of the community of impermanence.
The more unexpected the wound, the longer it may take us to make peace with it.
Healing is replacing our merciless reactions with a merciful response.
In order to open our hearts to our pain, we must be willing to experience it wholeheartedly.
The less we investigate our state of helplessness, the greater the potential we have for self-destructive behavior.
Injured by the wayside... ( I especially like this one. Many days I've felt "injured by the wayside" watching the vehicles of life chase the wind. I know the life I once knew is going on, and its OK to go on without me.)
What we liked becomes uninteresting, but what we loved becomes everything.
At chapter 7, I'm just beginning to get a grasp of the author's compassion. I'm supposed to read the book slowly; one or so chapters a day, so I have to stop and pick up a different book or I'd be re-reading the book by now. I'll take the advice of one who knows best and go gently. Its that important.
Living with peace
Tom
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