Having Fun Yet?

Looking back but not staring January 23, 2005

Aaron flew into Madison in the evening of January 22nd. The next morning, while Patrick
slept-in, content knowing his big brother was home, Cathy, Aaron and I were off to Fitchburg for an AA and Al-Anon meeting; the family that recovers together...

AA or NA, the steps are the same. Aaron was in recovery from an addiction to marijuana. Me, alcohol. Cathy was in the room next door learning to cope with us. One of Aaron's stipulations for coming home to stay was that he attend NA meetings and get a sponsor. It's suggested that you look for a sponsor who demonstrates qualities you can relate to.

There were 30 or more people in the room that day. Aaron was the youngest. Everyone was white...except a man everyone called "Spence". He made the observation to the group that this alcoholism was obviously a white-person's illness. Spence was obviously a well loved man in that club-house.

To start the meeting, Spence read from a book titled Daily Reflections. The reading began "Having fun yet?" and continued with "...We absolutely insist on enjoying life. We try not to indulge in cynicism over the state of the nations, nor do we carry the world's troubles on our shoulders." Spence spoke from his heart on what those words meant to him. In his best preacher tone, Spence told of the choices he had today through the grace of God and the fellowship of AA. He talked about where he had been, how he got to AA, and where he was that day some 20 + years removed from a dead existence. Spence loves sobriety and life.

After the meeting Aaron said to me "In all my years in church, I've never felt anything like that! I want that guy to be my sponsor!" I should note that Spence was 59 years old--Aaron 17. The 59 year old preacher-esque, man was the person Aaron felt had the qualities he could best relate to. I felt the same way.

Three months and a few weeks later Spence stood at the podium of the church filled with friends and family who gathered to pay respects to Aaron. Spence told Aaron's friends and family about the message Aaron heard from him on January 23rd..."Are we having fun yet?" When we are free from guilt, sorrow, addiction, and ready to assume our proper role in the universe, we should stop and ask ourselves, Am I having fun yet? Aaron's answer to that question was, YES I am! Of all the things I know about Aaron today and didn't comprehend until the last days of his life, what defined him was his willingness to NOT carry the world's troubles on his shoulders. He insisted on enjoying life and being free.

Aaron loved music. Classic rock with a bluesy story was his favorite. Spence is a blues-man with a preaching talent. The preacher's tone is a special gift.

Today I visited Spence. He has cancer. I read the Daily Reflection for March 25th-- A Full and Thankful Heart: I try hard to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart cannot entertain great conceits. When brimming with gratitude, one's heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, the finest emotion that we can ever know.

Spence gave me everything I needed to be able to say to Aaron everything I needed to say before May 10, 2005. Because of that, nothing important was left unsaid and Aaron was killed knowing how much I loved and respected him and what he stood for. How grateful I am for that gift. After May 10th, Spence gave me everything he could to get me through one day at a time to get to this day. I've known Spence 688 days.


Today Spence told me: "I don't know what God has planned for me, but I'm sure it won't be to be an angel, 'cause in all the books and all the cards, I never seen a black angel."

With a full and thankful heart, I am living life with gratitude...

Tom