Wisdom to Know the Difference

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

The serenity prayer. It flows beautifully... when presented to some other person regarding their troubles, and hard to practice when it needs to be applied to personal challenges. But I trust that third line is key to life -- wisdom to know what can and can not be changed.

"You can do anything if you put your mind to it." "You don't know what you can or can't do until you try." "Never give up." These are three mantras tatooed to my mind. They sound good. They sound very American. Who could disagree with persistence? I can today. I sleep much better leaving some of life's challenges to people more capable.

Admitting such people existed at all was a big step for me. I don't know how I could have ever gotten to this understanding without being broken. When I could not stand on my own, I had to lean on God and people. When I was able to stand again, I started to let go of the crutches in my life. When I let go I am without anxiety and never without God or right people.

To me, the things I ask for to accept with serenity are things about other people. I spent lots of energy trying to change people--that energy was wasted. Changes I made in myself were not always for the good, but I would'nt accept so little from other people.

Courage to change the things I can is primarily courage to change me. Maybe the biggest change I see is a willingness to not be every person's problem solver. It's OK for me to say: that job is too big for me, or to let someone else be the solution. Today it is OK for me to admit my limitation, step aside, tinker with non-essentials, and be a non important person.

Wisdom to know the difference is trusting God. Walking away from trying to save a person from a threat to their life would be cowardly and selfish. By trusting God, I am using what I have paid a high price to acquire and being aware of the motives behind my actions. If the motives are pride and ego, I am best to let go. Oh, believe me, I am far from perfect. Better than I was, but fully human and definitely with frailties.

Tonight I will sleep peacefully. In the morning I will awake and remember Aaron is gone. I know I can't change that fact, and then I will ask the question I ask myself every day--- So this is as it is, now what about me?

Peace
Tom