We worked on getting a Christmas card out in the mail and came up short of our objective. That's OK. The process brought us face to face with "our work".
Last Christmas Aaron was home for a one week home visit. His return flight was early on December 26th. I remember the week well.
There was a day in the week when Aaron announced he would not be on the flight back to Oregon. Cathy and I had learned plenty in the year and I'm glad to be able to say we did not overreact. In fact, our response was a united reply telling Aaron the choice was his. "You mean you're not going to make me go back to Mount Bachelor?" He asked. "How could we make you get on the plane?" Was my answer. Aaron having a good enough memory of December 2, 2003 replied "Same way you did last year, hire those sheriff deputy escorts." Money's gone, I told him. If Aaron was going back to complete his work, he was going voluntarily. If not, he was going to have to figure out his plans to finish school here.
One day he was staying here, the next he was going back to Oregon. I was not sure what he was going to do on the day after Christmas until the moment arrived. Aaron went back to MBA with confidence.
But, before he left, Aaron changed our family in a way that would not have been possible without the emotional and spiritual growth work he did for himself in the prior 13 months. What I didn't know before Aaron came home was that in order to change our family dynamics and the relationship we had with Aaron, I needed to change too. Cathy needed to change. Patrick needed to change. Aaron sent me off on a path of growth I never would have done unless he had the courage to speak to me honestly. What a gift.
We all remember Aaron saying to us at one time or another "You know what your work is." I know he heard that ALOT at Mount Bachelor. Today we remind eachother and ourselves to "keep on keepin' on" as Aaron wrote, with the phrase: What's your/our work?
To know our work is to face our challenge and take action. Sometimes that action is to be weak. In being weak we accept God's tenderness and compassion. The three of us do our grief work every moment of every day. When we face the sorrow of Aaron's death we honor that sorrow. We choose to give sorrow it's time now. We know grief has no time or season. It is what it is and we can not change, slow, redirect or eliminate it. We must honor it.
We are convinced, there is no other way to healing and growth. The option of denying the sorrow is a sure path to deeper hurt and imprisonment of our souls. To help us accept this truth, our counselors suggest a brilliant book: Unattended Sorrow, by Stephen Levine. It's being well read in our home.
As a family, we can say with gratitude, we are honoring sorrow and growing in peace.
This December is a blessed Christmas season for the three of us. We have an abundance of gratitude for you and appreciate your prayers and well wishes.
(The picture of Patrick and Aaron from Christmas years ago is one of our favorites. After many, many photos, Aaron was at the end of his patience. Patrick, who had the patience of a saint back then, followed his brother's lead. The look says it all. No more smiles!")
Merry Christmas to you. And, Peace on earth. With smiles.
Tom, Cathy, Patrick and the spirit of Aaron
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