No Running. No Diving.

The only swimming pool Aaron loved more than a pool full of friends was a pool he had to himself and his brother.

Today I attended a seminar called Boys at Risk. This is the second year of the annual event. I've attended both and if I had not been Aaron's Dad, I would not be here. I'm 20 years too late to help my sons but so is the information.

Listening to the Doctors and professionals describe the findings of studies of the brains of children over the course of 30 years gives me great sadness. The enthusiasm Aaron had for going to Kindergarten and his loathing for school soon after getting the slap of reality plays over and over in my mind as the speakers describe the experiences of so many little Aaron's all over the country. I could hear Aaron objecting and me ranting. I added to the chaos of the failure and Aaron disengaged from learning. Absolutely. Why bother. I thought Aaron was unique in his lack of concern for learning.

I can't change the past, but I can affect the day. That's my mantra and I needed it today. I wanted to cry but I toughed it out for a while. Until I got to the pool.

After years of sedintary activity, I was motivated to run. First a clumsy chug part way around the block. Now I'm up to 8/10's of a mile with a fair stride from start to finish. I stayed to the end of the sessions today, changed into running shoes and shorts and hit the street. My lungs don't hurt too much and my legs aren't killing me. I finished with some pretty good swimming in a huge pool which I had to myself.

Aaron and Cathy are the best swimmers in our family. Patrick is third. I'm OK. Floating in the pool, I could see Aaron diving in. Regardless of the contortion he put his body through in the air, Aaron ripped into the water. When he would emerge, as he taught Patrick, Aaron shook his head to free his locks from the soaking water. If I tried that violent move my brain would strike the sides of my cranium and I'd black out, or my neck would snap and leave my head resting on my spine. I leave my hair plastered to my scalp which leaves me looking like Grandma Lucy getting a perm.

I had the pool to myself and my tears. It's the movie thing again. I'm here in 2007 and my eyes are seeing all the years back in time, 2004, 03, 01, 00, 99, 95, 93, 90, 89... Alone in the deep end I watched Aaron take a deep breath and slide under the water to do handstands, pick up whatever was on the bottom and emerge with a swoosh and a shake. Running were words on the floor said NO RUNNING, and diving wher someone wrote NO DIVING. ("Why Not???" Because you could get hurt. "No I won't") I thought those words were warnings, not reminders. I saw 2 year old Aaron holding my thumbs and steering us around playing motorboat. Crashing into the walls and bobbing in the water, then going full speed after Cathy. "Mom look, I'm a boat!"

So much laughter. "Again! Again! Again! " Please God, Again.