Passive Aggressive or Just a JackAss

My path crossed three times in my life with a persons who's behavior is so offensive I became physically ill from interacting. Subtle insults, absurd statements and opinions, paranoia, rejection of good intentions, mental abuse, and self-sabotaging neglect all displace healthy air the same way so much garbage overwhelms a landfill; eventually there's toxic gas.

I remember Aaron coming home from Mount Bachelor with a knack for analysis and quick labeling of all of my negative character traits. "Passive Aggressive! or You're projecting!" He would announce to Cathy, Patrick and me. Asking to have the ketchup passed was as likely to get a character label as was saying "no" to Aaron's request to stay out all night. It was fun for a while until I realized he was able to stop me in my tracks leaving me with a very small arsenal of weapons for parenting. Was I really a basket case for psycho analysis or was I an average Dad with a limited ability to corral my son??

I looked up Passive-Aggressive on www.wikipedia.org and here's what I found on the subject:

Passive-aggressive behavior refers to passive, sometimes obstructionist resistance to authoritative instructions in interpersonal or occupational situations. Sometimes a method of dealing with stress or frustration, it results in the person attacking other people in subtle, indirect, and seemingly passive ways.

Someone who is passive-aggressive will typically not confront others directly about problems, but instead will attempt to undermine their confidence or their success through comments and actions which, if challenged, can be explained away innocently so as not to place blame on the passive-aggressive person.

In some instances the passive-aggressive person will solicit the confidence of others as to their ability to perform duties, and then purposely sabotage those duties through procrastination or mishandling responsibility. Subsequent demands for performance are laid aside with claims of interference by the demanding parties or some other condition outside the control of the passive-aggressive's influence, when in fact the delays and poor performance are due to the passive-aggressive's internal perception that to perform the task at another's demand is a demeaning insult to them. The omission of performance leaves the passive-aggressive person in control of the situation, and allows that person to continue the aggressive behavior toward others. These behaviors can persist even if it means personal loss to the passive-aggressive person, i.e. job loss or loss of esteem by others.

These individuals feel that expressing their anger through passive-aggressive behavior is morally favorable to direct confrontation.

The lack of repercussions resulting from passive-aggressive behavior can lead to an unchecked continual attack, albeit passive, on one's acquaintances. The treatment of this disorder can be difficult, mostly because efforts to convince the person that they have this problem are met with resistance, and the passive-aggressive will frequently leave a treatment regimen claiming that it did no good.

On www.straightdope.com the writer concludes that loosely defined, a diagnosis of the population of earth would find 100% of humanity "Passive-Aggressive".

I suppose it's not my place to label anyone with a medically recognized psychological disorder. In my neighborhood growing up in the '60's, we were unscientific kids. Our Dad's were blue collar guys; no doctors, a couple of high school teachers, a football coach and a few military men. We learned from them. Diagnosis of social dysfunctions was quick and painless. Act like a victim, sling insults, hurt people and deny responsibility: You're aJackAss The diagnosis was free.

The Budhist tells us even the person who insults us is worthy of our gratitude for teaching us. Similar to the Christian suggestion of "turn the other cheek".

Trying to honor you Aaron, with better behavior by practicing assertiveness over aggression,

Tom