The Wall

This morning, Cathy made her first visit to the wall. Our grief counselors accompanied us. Cathy decided it was time for her to see the place where her son lost his life. She had refused to see this place for almost a year. One of the counselors suggested she bring something and leave it at the site. For two weeks Cathy had thought about what to bring. Around 5:00 AM, Cathy woke and told me she had a dream about Aaron cutting down her yellow daffodils...he had done this more than once as a young sword fighter. She decided yellow daffodils from her flower garden and a photo of Aaron and her together would be fitting.

At 11:00 AM, with Bobbi and Murat beside us, Cathy approached the wall. It's an unexplainable feeling to walk in the path of your son's final moments of life. Nineteen years ago today we were becoming very quiet, contemplating our future with a child. Today we stood together, for the first time, at the very spot where our boy breathed his last breaths...and it hurt...deeply.

Cathy layed the bouquet and photo at the wall. Emotionally we went back to May 10, 2005 for a little while, hugged, cried, sobbed. Eventually we regained composure.

We walked back to the cars where we noticed the cooing of a pigeon. Sitting on the power lines about 100 yards from the wall was a lone pigeon. The bird continued to coo as long as we were there. The bird stayed in its place until we drove away and were along side of it's perch. At that moment, it flew to the west toward the wall.

Back at home we looked up the pigeon in Ted Andrews' book, Animal Speak. This is what the book tells us about Pigeons:

Keynote: Return to the Love and Security of Home. Pigeon is related to the Dove. (Dove is a symbol of Peace) The Pigeon has a long history associated with home and pigeons have a strong homing sense, able to find its way back home no matter how far it has gone.

It's a symbol for the time to return to the security of home. The are a symbol to draw on the energies of home no matter how distant. Pigeons huddle together during time of storm. A pigeon in your life is a sign that it is time to huddle with your family...there we have safety and security.

Father Mike told me last spring that he believes in signs from Heaven. He said they occur all the time, and we just have to be open to receive them. We agree with Father Mike. The pigeon on the wire was Aaron's sign to his Mom that he knows she was there and he's letting her know that he is OK, and that place of the wall is not home. Home is where the family lives- where there is safety and security.

As for that place of the wall? That's a death trap.

Huddling together with family in Peace,

Aaron's Dad